Friday, June 4, 2010

New Stylez

Every now and then, a girl's gotta reinvent herself! So I made a newer layout with the help of my friends at shabby blogs... it's weird because I think shabby-chic is normally so ugly as interior design but I love the way they pull it off for blogs!

So, on the topic of re-inventing one's self... I feel like I am doing just that. If you've ever seen the movie "Waking Life", you'll be familiar with what I"m talking about... If you've never seen it... well then you're clearly not a nerd/stoner HA HA, I kid, I kid. Anyway, I am reminded of two of my favourite lines. They both take place in the same scene, two women talking (in a coffee shop, I believe?) and they're having this existential discussion (well, technically, the whole movie is one big existential discussion but anyway) One of the women says:

"And the funny thing is, our cells are completely regenerating every seven years. We've already become completely different people several times over, and yet we always remain quintessentially ourselves."

I've thought about this line a million times since I first heard it because I truly believe that we do change and can change who were are and this was the first time I ever heard someone validate that with genetics. The funny part is, she says "we always remain quintessentially ourselves." It's this kind of paradox that really rings true for me - that we can do better, and be better (or likewise, do worse and be worse) but we still hold our unique characteristics and mannerisms at our very core.

The second quote is:

First Girl: Either I'm moving fast or time is. Never both simultaneously.
It's such a strange paradox. I mean, while, technically,
I 'm closer to the end of my life than I've ever been,
I actually feel more than ever that I have all the time in the world.
When I was younger, there was a desperation, a desire for certainty,
Like there was an end to the path, and I had to get there.

Second Girl: I know what you mean because I can remember thinking,
"Oh, someday, like in my mid-thirties maybe,
everything's going to just somehow gel and settle, just end."
It was like there was this plateau, and it was waiting for me,
and I was climbing up it, and when I got to the top,
all growth and change would stop.
Even exhilaration. But that hasn't happened like that, thank goodness.
I think that what we don't take into account when we’re young is our endless curiosity. That's what's so great about being human.

This is sooo ME. My early twenties were all about that "plateau"... that impending deadline, the big THREE ZERO... I felt that somehow I needed to have it all figured out and all settled before my life "gelled"and my bed was made and ready for me to lie in it. I also compared my friend's lives with my own and how my path was so completely unorthodox in comparison to theirs. Now, at 27, closer to 30 than 20, I have changed my mind about what turning 30 means to me. Instead of being a gloomy death sentence, it has now become an incentive, something to look forward to and to work towards, something to accomplish and be proud of. It has also allowed me to not compare myself to others and look down on myself with doubt because I chose differently. In fact, I am now so at peace with my choices and see that those are the only ones I could ever make.

Siiiighhhh... This is what 1.5 years of therapy does to a person. It solidifies the good and washes out the bad. I highly recommend it for everyone.

1 comment:

  1. How about I love you Spice! You have always absolutly been you and I for one LOVE EVERYTHING about YOU! I love seeing this side of you who I always knew but who you now embracing Thank Heavens for therapy... of which I am an advocate... I've only been once but it allowed me to remember who I am and flipped me back to where I needed to be. I LOVE YOU TO PIECES!